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James and Renee Pannell Yates

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Relational Sins



Deut 5:16

16 "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. NIV


The implication behind this verse is that if you do not honor your father and mother your life will not go well nor be very long.  How this sin traps us is through deception, our need to protect, and denial of quilt concerning this sin.  Protection comes into play early in our childhood.   When we are wounded we have been created by God to need resolution.  In fact anger and hurt are God given responses to wounding.  Yet our dysfunctional families taught us "don't talk about it, don't tell it".   This attitude may have come more through action than words, but regardless of how it was communicated, the message still got through to us. 


Because we were not allowed to properly communicate our feelings we resorted to an escape of our emotions through an un-healthy means, regrettably that solution involved relational sin.  These sins hold us captive and cause us to repeat the wounding cycle.  The first sin we need to look at is dishonor of parents.  Dishonor can happen in the open, most of the time it happens in the secret place of the heart.  Regardless of how it happens it's effect is the same.   It may be a tongue stuck out behind a door, or open rebellion.  Dishonor's fruit is deadly to future relationships.

Does the phrase "don't talk about it don't tell it" sound familiar when you think about your childhood?

How did your parents discipline or lack there of make you feel?   Did you consistently react with honor or dishonor?

Were you allowed to express your feelings or hurts with your parents?

Have you recognized a dysfunctional pattern in your relationship with significant other people (spouse or fiancé)?



Matt 7:1-2

7:1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Luke 6:37-38

37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

John 8:15-17

5 You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. 16 But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me.


Rom 2:1-2

2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.


When we judge others we set ourselves up to repeat the same patterns we judged them for.  The Bible teaches about two distinct ways we reap when we judge.  The first is we draw to us people that continue the pattern of abuse; the second is we become the abuser.  When we add in to this mix the law of sowing and reaping we understand how generations deteriorate without the power of the Lord in their lives.  The power of Jesus and the power of true repentance are the only things that will break the cycle of judgment.   No one can guarantee that reaping will immediately stop; in fact you will reap as long as you need to.  Thank God for the mercy and grace that He gives, He knows us and quite possibly we never reap what we truly deserve.

Clues of judging

Do you see the same things happening to you over and over? If yes explain:

In your past and present relationships can you see the same circumstance repeating itself?

Dealing with the roots:

  1. Heal the wound that brought the sinful response.
  2. Recognize the sinful response
    1. Dishonor
    2. Judging
  3. Confess the sinful response in prayer - James 5:16
  4. Release the judgment against the person
  5. Have someone who understands their authority as a believer to pronounce forgiveness
  6. Learn to walk free

Father I thank you for revealing my sinful response.  I confess my sin of dishonoring my _____________ by judging them for ______________.  I release my judgment against them and ask you to forgive me for dishonoring and judging them.

The judgment is like a hook in your soul that gets hooked into by the other person's dysfunction.  We need that person to do exactly what they are doing until we have reaped enough.   When we release our judgment they may stop, but probably will not.  But the hook in us is no longer available and we are able to respond differently.  True healing begins to happen and we are free to respond differently.